You should be FIRED...

I know it sounds harsh, but you really didn't do your job today! Your sign, the one you carried through the whole race (thanks for that), said "9:30 pace setter" when in fact you were running at a 9 and even possibly a sub 9 minute mile. So, you really shouldn't be a pace-setter if you're not going to run accordingly.

:)

We took off out of the shoot this morning at 7:01.07am, rounded the corner to cut under I-5 before crossing into downtown PDX, and came upon the pace-setter for the 9-and-a-half minute mile group. I told the girls this morning that I hoped to finish in under 2:05 so when we saw the runner carrying the sign, we decided to follow suit. After about 2 miles we started to feel like the pace was a bit quick and finally at mile 3, I checked our time and indeed we were under 9 minutes per mile! I think the runner finally realized she was going too fast because she slowed up significantly at mile 3. Well, I'm really not complaining, just teasing and it made for a few jokes during the race that she should be fired! It was a great distraction through some of the uphill climbs and I'm actually thankful she set us off to a GOOD, STRONG pace to finish the race in 1:59.22! I'm ecstatic to have finished in under 2 hours, even if only by seconds.:)

Connie and Alisa were great company on this run and we had phenominal running weather. Currently, I'm slouched down in my comfy couch and enjoying the conclusion of this training stint. Thanks to the neighborhoods around my apartment, the tunes on my iPod, and the ups and downs of NE/SE PDX-it's been a good round. I'm looking forward to the next!

away today...

Away today on a personal retreat. Looking back thru old journals,
sitting here at Skamania lodge with a fire and a view of the Columbia
yet my soul is a bit disturbed from these old writings..."Dream of all
Dreams" WOW!!! Not what I dream about these days. Why have I spent so
much time in angst over what God was up to in my life. I get the
feeling I missed out on some living, but then am reminded of the
process of the journey. That immaturity, ridiculous prayers and
dreams, stages, chapters, and growth are just a part of life and
living. I think it's safe to say, I truly feel alive and in my own
skin thanks to escaping my 20's!!! And partly thanks to those old
journals that (though painful to reread) allowed me to empty myself
onto a page. I will look back at these years and feel some of the
same, some pain from prayers seemingly unattended to by the hand of my
Father, yet with swells of hope for the life He IS giving.

I'm sitting with 1 question today and have not been able to wrangle
the many thoughts into a simple answer. The question, "What RIDICULOUS
prayer are you praying in this season?". It's not that I am unaware of
my wants desires needs etc, but how do you answer that...what is so
ridiculous that the only way to explain it is "but God." And how can I
simplify it into 1 ridiculous prayer when truthfully there are
potentially many. But God, so capable "and the reality is nothing is
too difficult for God." So, pray away I will, all my ridiculous
prayers, and be happy to live in to life as I wish I might have in
those old journals.

Sent from my iPhone

Blog #2 for Today (INSPIRATION SWELLS)

Pardon my disheveled thoughts...running causes my mind to jump to and fro...

Just finished 8 miles, best training run yet. Of course, how could it not be running along the Coquille river, alone with my thoughts and iPod. The weather parted for me as I headed out. It's been wet and chilly, I just ran in the sun and mild temperatures. :) Walked out the door with iPod in hand. Usually plug in U2 or some tempo, upbeat music to keep me moving, but today I needed something different, something more. I needed a good run. Scrolled through to a mix Annie made me entitled "Because He Love You." Prayed, "Lord I need to be inspired today. Inspire me through this run." OK!

Some lyrics I just must share from this run-----

"I didn't promise you skies painted blue, or all colored flowers all your days through. I didn't promise you sun with no rain, joys without sorrow, peace without pain. All that I promise is strength for this day, rest for my worker, light on your way. I'll give you truth when you need it, My help from above. Undying friendship, My unfailing love."

Please have a listen...it'll hit you at the core.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=et-4WksmFkk

Oh! The whole cd is full of lyrics stirring my soul that I actually forgot I was running. That happens every so often, when my feet and breathing are in sync and I am allowed too get lost in thought and prayer. Thanks God, for a lovely run and some inspiration.

One last thought to share from my run. I'm captured by pictures that bring about the idea of faith, you can see part of the path before you, but the rest is left to trusting in what you can't see. You've see a couple of these before, but a new one from today too!

Cocoa Beach Board Walk

Above: cable for zip line through canopies in Costa Rica. The bar is where my left hand held tight over the canyon below! Could not see where the end was...

Powers, the road running along the Coquille River.

A few steps beyond my own...

I know I've mentioned previously how great it has been to be back in Portland and reconnecting with people face to face, a gift and a treasure. Sometimes it feels like no time has passed in my quick stint apart from this city though it becomes obvious when I ponder life then and now. Obvious in how I live, living more fully and less stressed about what I need to do, where I need to be, who I need to be, how I need to live...everyday is filled with something unusually wonderful and that seems just a simple matter of perspective.

Last week I dropped in to see Rena and we spent an entire afternoon visiting, about life, present-past-future. I always leave our visits feeling secure in where I am and what God is doing around me. There is something settling about just being with certain people who have walked a few steps beyond my own. Whenever we connect, she always reminds me she has been praying for me and wondering what's been going on in my life! Rich counsel hovers our conversation without even formally making an entrance into the room. We drift in and out discussing life, God, people in our lives, travel... it is always a gift!

Aaaahhhh...

Spring, lovely Spring! The flowers are popping out, it's 7:22 and still light out, the sun (was, will be again soon) shining...signs of life are coming from multiple sources, it's always good for the soul when the winter breaks and newness comes through.

And spring cleaning!!! Actually, I don't think I have any spring cleaning to do because it tends to happen monthly in my world. I don't know why, but I love getting rid of stuff that I no longer have use for. I think it's the idea that someone else could probably get more use out of this _________ that's been sitting in the closet for the last year. Minimalism becomes me. In fact, I have a feeling (have recently owned the feeling) regarding a particular neurotic pressure...I feel pressure to read everything that comes in the mail...fliers, magazines (cover to cover), inserts...not necessarily ads, thankfully etc. And I've realized this stems from that innate psycholocial pressure to get rid of things. Read the magazine and put it away. Read the mail and put it in the recycling bin. I do not like things to pile up. Alas, I am quite unsuccessful in this and am learning to let it go! It's so insignificant in life! Yes, there are magazines on my table and bits of mail still to be read! I'd really rather be outside as life springs up than sitting in my place reading cover to cover!

P.S. It's a bad idea for you to send me a subscription to the Oregonian!:)

The 'fish' that got away...

:) This post begins with a smile, I'm smiling at your comment, "UR," from the last post. :) Another smile! Well, I can't say there was one fish in particular that got away, but rather a few fish that have "bumped" the line. I think that's what dad calls it, when a fish swims past, but doesn't take the bait. Oh dear Uncle, you will most certainly know when one is on the line (Kind of like the time you had the sturgeon and he unexpectedly took y'all for a ride! Am I getting the story right?)

On another note, one thing I'm realizing in my return to the big city of PDX is the concept of "I know no strangers." Sure, there are strangers, but I either run into someone I know, am somehow connected to a new face through a mutual friend, or I just make new friends quickly. Let me see if I can explain....


The past few days, I have had a friend from the Bandon Dunes (one of the chefs I worked with) visiting and we ate our way through Portland. Last night, we headed out for a lovely evening at a local, small, wine bar just down the street from my place. It was dead all evening so the owner pulled up a chair and began to enlighten our present understanding of food and wine. Quite entertaining and informative. Fairly quickly, we had another person join the table, then another and another. All of the 'joiners' knew each other because they were all studying for their master's in wine...Sommeliers (pronounced so-mall-yay...basically). It really was facinating to hear the process and all the elements that go into producing wine. Well, we ended up spending the entire evening sitting there with strangers, talking as if we'd all known each other for years. I often wonder about situation like this and ask, "how did that happen," but more importantly am pleased that it does.

short thoughts

i'm living in a frequency this week in which i feel as if my thoughts are short circuiting. i have trouble completing sentences and more importantly thoughts. so, here's the short list:

i'm most likely moving again. to a house in the neighborhood with a few other gals. sharing walls with my neighbor is causing tension in my life. a house, please!

my feet hurt-standing and walking in circles all day...this may be a contributor to my short thoughts... all day i'm humming soy, coffee, wheat, whites only, mocha add shot ..................i really like my job! (i'm being serious)

i had dinner tonight with a couple who live in bolivia (south america) and who i continue to meet in my travels to central and south america (including cuba). i wonder what may unfold when these meetings continue to happen. AND will obama raise the embargo?

boys keep dropping in and out of my life. i'll let you know when one sticks for longer than usual. until then, be at peace with the knowledge that there are in fact still fish in the sea! :)

i finally have a couch. i'm still sitting in my wooden chair looking at the couch across the room. it's a nice couch!

my fridge is pretty empty and not because i don't go to the grocery store. i'm learning that it is actually possibly cheaper to meet friends for happy hour than to keep a stocked kitchen. food spoils quickly when your feeding one. (social reasons not included in preceding comment)

i attended an ash wednesday service this past week. the mantra rattling through my head from that evening, the phrase they continued to repeat as they marked every individuals forehead with ashes in the sign of the cross "remember, from dust you came, to dust you shall return."

i subconsciously think i'm still in florida where the winter weather is chilly (40's to 50's) for a few days and then back in the 70s. i keep thinking warm weather is just a few days away and it is not yet spring.

i'm getting wrinkles. i don't know if this is stress from my neighbor or age related. if it is the latter, i welcome them for they mean that i have lived many fine days. if the former, let them disappear and be replaced with time, not stress.

i'm getting old. saturday night, 10:17 pm and this chick is off to bed!

resolute!

(I'm not going to comment on my disappearance from blogging (though I just did!). )

Quick update: I am an employed woman now and enjoying my job as a "bartender" at a great, well established Portland restaurant just 5 blocks from my apartment. I put bartender in quotes because I don't feel my job is what one traditionally thinks of when they hear the word. My barista experience has come back to provide a fun job in this crazy economy and I'm thankful. Blah blah blah, I don't really feel like talking about the surfacey events in my life and my intent with my musings on here is to offer more heart spoken, vulnerable contemplations on my life, maybe more so my inside life though my outside life and inside life are married and I intend to keep it that way. Here I go on a tangent...............I don't desire to live one without the other and this blog has been an essential part of the process to let my inside world out! :)

Here we go, journeying forward, again.

So, I recently (last November) spent a weekend with my former employer from Florida, Greg Wiens and another one of the staff members, Max Strothers from Florida. I was invited to Kennewick, WA to sit in on a church consultation. I won't go into details about that because it would take pages and is not the point. My time in Florida was MONUMENTAL-STRATEGIC-FOREVER IMPRESSING on my development. It has not stopped and I continue to desire this for my own life because it has channeled itself into deep, moving conversations into other lives as well. That time with Greg and Max led to another opportunity for personal development. During my Orlando venture, Greg introduced me to new ideas and tools for personality assessment and knowing who I am, how I'm wired, what makes me tick etc. Something he required for staff and which I embraced wholeheartedly. I even had to take a few tests before I went to Florida for the interview. This was just the beginning of my exposure and upon my trip to Kennewick, Max offered more of the same. So, this past week I spent a few hours taking personality tests--- emotional intelligence, conflict management, how I operate in certain situations, how I view the world, myself etc etc. on and on! I love this stuff! Just yesterday, I spent a long phone conversation going over the details of the assessment as Max took me through the results and showed me where he was reading especially between the lines. I am continually being informed which causes me to keep working out the details in life. For example, I am an avoider and accommodater in conflict situations...not good because then I begin to destroy the inside of me while the other person is happily contented to win over the situation. I'm not saying that's bad for them, just that it's not good to deal with conflict by avoiding it, HELLO. I think we all know this, I'm asking Max, "How do I begin to operate differently, how do I approach those situations." Over the course of the phone call, insight fell before me as my phone went dead. We decided I would chew on what I had and discuss more again soon. Again, I love this stuff! If you're curious about yourself, I can suggest some great books.

Parker Palmer-Let Your Life Speak

Tom Rath-StrengthsFinder 2.0 (Includes a phenominal test to discovering your wonderful abilities)

Marcus Buckingham-Now, Discover Your Strengths (the first version of StrengthsFinder 2.0)

Gary Chapman-The Five Love Languages

Those are a good start. And, I'm sure there are others...IT'S NEVER TO LATE TO DISCOVER/REDISCOVER WHO YOU ARE AND HOW YOU WERE KNIT TOGETHER BY GOD HIMSELF.

Keep checking me, I'm lining them up so you're not bombarded with one blog update!

Something is Brewing

Let's just say it's felt like a long time since I've had inspiration to write out my thoughts and share. I haven't understood why, the ebb and flow effect I guess, but I sense a newness stirring and a desire to get back on here with my inside thoughts!

The last few weeks, there have been a handful of nights where I've woken up at 4:30AM for no apparent reason. I'm just far enough "out there" to believe that sometimes God has something to do with those early stirrings. I've actually asked on occasion for Him to wake me if there's something I need to pray for or listen for. It's in those midnight hours where white noise ceases to exist, my thoughts have stopped running in circles, and I'm too out of it to be concerned about the next days events...that's when He slides in and stirs. It's exciting to me as well, I feel like I get to partner in something bigger than my individual life and daily stresses. So......I......Pray. Whatever/whoever comes to mind. And then I sensed Him asking, "Steph, what do you need?" And I answered listing off things in my life that I'd like to see some answered prayer, specifically in the line of a job. And then as I rambled on with my list, I sensed Him bending the question, "Steph, what does you heart need?" I instantly knew the answer! God I need to know You care about my little life and circumstances right now. I really need to see you step in the gap and move on my behalf.

I believe He is and will fill in where I have need. I've been reading through Colossians over and over the last 6 weeks. Sometimes verses just stick and the one hanging on my thoughts...

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught and overflowing with thankfulness. -Col. 2:6

That's something I can chew on for...a year perhaps! What does it mean for my life to receive Christ? How do I live and continue to live in Him? Hard times? Easy times? How am I rooted in Him? What/who is part of the process of my being built up in Him? How am I strengthened in the faith? Am I overflowing with thankfulness? When I look around, is life simple (as it should be) and am I grateful as I should be?

I believe 2009 is going to be an incredible year for me. I'm not special, that's not why I think it's going to be great. I'm just barely wise enought to know it's not about me and I just want to make the most of what is and not pine for what is not. Carpe diem! Seize the day!

My Favorite Christmas Hymn

Upon hearing this song, my senses are brought back to a softened space. One of adoration and thanksgiving, admiration, declaration, celebration. In awe of the gift that is Emmanuel, God with us; in flesh, Christ the Lord, baby Jesus whose birth we celebrate in CHRISTmas.

Merry Christmas to all you readers. May the words of this hymn cause a kind of peace and joy that no other store bought gift can evoke.

O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
'Til He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees! O, hear the angels' voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born;
O night divine, O night, O night Divine.

Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
Here come the wise men from Orient land.
The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friend.

Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.

Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever,
His power and glory evermore proclaim.
His power and glory evermore proclaim.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

AND BLESSINGS AS WE START ANOTHER YEAR

FRESH AND NEW!

Journey where? The life and times of my obscure journeys!

Yes, you have journeyed with me to Costa Rica, to Florida, across the country and back, to South America, Puerto Rico...we've gone to a few places. Yes, you've also journeyed with me emotionally through up and downs, new things and old, losses and gains. Sometimes you didn't know it, but you were there through boy stuff too!;) I may not have metioned it directly, but my emotions were there causing my thought process to wander where it might.

Let me take you with me on a journey through furnitutre shopping. Oh, the lessons learned walking past sofa after sofa, chair after chair. The questions of getting a sleeper or not- where does company stay in a one bedroom apt. with wood floors? Thanks to the insight of a dear friend, "I'd rather sleep on a blow-up bed than a sleeper-sofa!" Thank you, Shannon!!! You just made my life a little easier.

I actually bought a sofa and chair (side note...I'm not sure what the difference is, someone please inform me, between a sofa and a couch) but just today returned it. It wasn't the kind you could wrap up in a blanket and vege with a movie or a book. I felt like I was falling forward off of it. Good looking couch, totally not comfortable or functional for my needs! (I am talking about couches/sofas, not men!) I learned that you really need to take a blanket, throw pillow, and a book with you when you go shopping. Just tell the sales person you're looking for the right couch and you might be taking a nap on one or two of those on display. I have found that they are more than ok with that. In fact, they encourage the lounging! Honestly, that is the only way I think it's possible to know if it's a fit. The tension between quality, cost, and namebrand has also been an interesting process. Unfortunately, IKEA had a great couch, but upon inspection, the craftsmanship and detail was surprising and not what I expected for the price they ask.

So, as much as I'm "over it!" in regards to shopping for a cozy couch, I've learned a great deal about furniture!

Kansas without Toto!

Well, I have just returned from my last trip of the year! A trip to Kansas City to visit my dear friends (formerly from FL) Erin and Steve. Thanks to flight points which lead to free travel, I've made use of my "down time." I had a great time picking out Christmas trees, eating chili and watching college football, shopping for baby stuff with Erin, going to the Plaza for sushi and to see the lights; a very festive weekend. It's good to be back in PDX, ready for the Christmas season and settling into a rhythm.

Me, with Charlie Brown's Christmas tree!

Steph, Baby Payton, and Erin with their Christmas tree!

Of course we went to Starbucks for a hot beverage! It's was chilly!

Another Reflection

I'm looking at the title of this blog, ready to go home (I'm sitting here at the cafe listening to 3 gentlemen gabbing in another language, clearly it IS NOT Spanish!), but I need to get this out.

Journey Forth, travel forward, this blog has been about movement and experiencing life out there instead of just sitting in my cozy little compartment of life. And, as I sit here in Portland, for 2 weeks now, I find myself in the job hunt in what so many are calling a recession/depression. Yes, I could get worried and anxious, but I am making a daily choice not to. It has never changed my circumstances in the past and it's such a waste of good energy. So, as I hunt and wait and pray and hope and apply, I've caught myself forming the criticizing sentence, "Steph, you did this to yourself. Looking for another job because you keep moving and changing etc etc." And yet, this blog would not exist if I had not decided to change and take a chance, to venture out into the unknown. My looking for another job is the premium necessary to have had the amazing experiences that I've had!

I have a book I've been carrying with me to coffee the past week. I came across it unpacking my boxes and I don't remember who gave it to me, but it was a gift. The name, Simple Truths. It has several very short chapters and today I sat here and read the one entitled, "On Travel." You know what, I'm glad I'm looking for yet another job! I would have missed so much of what has caused so much growth in my life and in working out internally and externally who I am, who I was created to be...and doing that with vulnerability and authenticity.

Some quotes from that chapter:

• If we don't offer ourselves to the unknown, our senses dull. Our world becomes small and we lose our sense of wonder...
• Travel, no matter how humble, will etch new elements in your character.
• When I am old, and my body has begun to fail me, my memories will be waiting for me.

I'm not suggesting that life is all about travel and if you don't then you haven't lived. I AM suggesting that my state of affairs, the job hunt, is a necessary and welcome consequence to my need to travel and move in order to find that drum, that beat which I walk to. We all find it at different times in life and through our own journey. Changing jobs and looking for new ones has been my journey. I'm owning that! I've learned how satisfying it can be to simply work at a restaurant. I've found delight in learning about my coworkers, their stories, where they've been in pain and joy, sharing life...and I've been lucky as many of those relationships continue far beyond my employment.

I am blessed and hunting for another job!

About the new profile pic...

I don't actually know where the photo is, but one of my family members found the slide of this picture and gave it to me a while back. It makes me smile...I ADORED that swim suit. I don't know why, I just thought it was the coolest thing ever. Rogue River, where this was taken, I have so many memories of this place. Some include sunshine and playing in Foster Creek, others include lots of rain and melting the bottom of my brand new velcro school shoes trying to dry by the fire, and still others place me too close to big bears! No kidding and more than once!

The First Test

Or in other words, the first rain! I'm in my new place in NE Portland, wearing a smile on my face, strolling the leaf covered streets, meeting my new neighbors, getting to know the coffee shops in my neighborhood, walking to the grocery store, basically enjoying myself and my place here. In this new place, I imagine life without relying on a car. All of my basic needs are within 4 blocks, even the US Post Office. Then this morning, I stepped out the door and it was raining. "Will I really walk?", I asked myself. Yes, I have to. Even if I wanted to drive, I wouldn't find a closer parking spot! I pulled out the umbrella along with the rain jacket and off I went. I'm going to need those rainboots this winter if I keep up the walking! I do not enjoy wet socks or feet! I'm no duck! GO BEAVS!!! (My plug for civil war!)

My heart belongs in the city right now. I don't entirely understand it, but I come alive here and feel a great sense of purpose. I'm still on the hunt for a job, but am fixed this week and praying for a particular job at "lucy." With each step, I'm navigating. One of those phrases from the past that keeps popping into my conscience...AND I TRUST IN YOU. I believe God for provision and am thankful for times like this when I have to rely on Him. I want my life to be the proof of His work on our behalf! If we would but stop ourselves and allow Him access, I wonder what kind of motion that would create?!

These two pictures are blown up and sitting on the mantel above my fireplace. They remind me of where I've been and where I'm going. I can only see so far down the boardwalk, but I know beauty, here in the sun rising, will be one part of the journey.

Oregon, I'm falling in love

It's me! Yeah, I'm actually on here and in my happy place ie cup of coffee, free wifi, passerbys meandering in and out of the rain. This, this is what inspires me to get on my laptop and start tap, tapping away!

So, hello again! I'm in Portland this week looking for jobs/apts and feeling extremely excited. I do believe I'm in on a very cool place, but I've got to wait for the final call. It's in the Irvington district and everything I need is walkable (grocery store, restaurants, coffee shops, post office, cleaners, mall, max line to downtown)! It's wonderful. I have thoughts of San Jose Costa Rica where I walked and rode public transportation everywhere. (Cute boys too, yay!;)!!!) And, jobs are looking up too as I finally have a polished resume ready to go. I just can't wait to settle into a place. It's gonna feel like Christmas opening up all my belongings that have been boxed since Florida! Wow, if I ever....no never mind cause I'm sure I will!

So, Oregon and falling in love. I started to realize a few months ago that I am definitely a NW girl. A few weeks ago, I went on an afternoon bachelorette winery tour with some great friends. Dundee OR looks like Tuscany. Not that I've been to Italy, but it looks like pictures from Under the Tuscan Sun and the Olive Garden Menu! I didn't know Oregon had it in her, but I'm proud; wine, ocean, mountains, fall, changing leaves, rain (yes that too, used my umbrella today for the first time in a few years!), runners, bikers, Trader Joes! It's good to be here.

I did leave
and then returned.
Fixing my face forward,
finding the way today,
here.

Here, I returned.
Readied to leave,
hastened to FIGURE IT OUT,
mysteries.

Mystery affords beauty which captures.
Leaving it a mystery, beauty embellishes
and I return to
this beautiful mess...life.

Life fully embraced.
Anchored in One,
returning, no not returning!
Ever onward.

London, England 2012?

I went on a long bike ride this evening. It was beautiful, beautiful winding road-up and down-on my way through the Siskyou National Forest. The river off to my right eventually turned into a very rocky, narrow gorge with tall, old timber clinging to the banks offering a picturesque backdrop to my panting up...up...up...burning quads and knuckles holding tight pushing-pulling my way with slight glances to the right calming my mind and easing my breath. This is God's country! It truly is one of the most beautiful places in the world. Yes, I love mountains and snow, palm trees and white sand, warm beaches and fresh tropical fruit, but this place is untouched, undiscovered, still a hidden treasure that others have not yet seen, have seen and can appreciate, have seen and are accustomed to. My soul connects with creation in this place...even when I'm panting on an uphill ride.

My adrenaline is flowing on rides such as this and with it an outpouring of thoughts. I usually come back in from a ride (or run for that matter) ready to conquer, inspired to walk outside the norm, ready to move move move! I come back with gumption. Yes, that's the word-with courage and spunk and guts! You can still hear it through the keys on my computer, can't you?!?


All that to bring me to this point. I've come to an understanding of making plans vs. setting goals. These always fell into the same category before, but something in me has learned, or decided and understood the need to differentiate. I've stated numerous times, I don't want to plan right now, I'm just praying. Well, I've felt very unproductive and decided part of praying is also making decisions, not waiting for heaven to fall on my face! I have this opt-out attitude when it comes to making decisions for my future. I'm looking for someone else to decide...how cowardly of me. Plans vs. goals-of course they look the same so often. Plans, the action to reaching a goal and the decision to put in the effort/discipline to reach the goal. The point is-I have to set goals, I need them to move me forward and there is a difference between making plans and setting goals. There are SO many books out there and numerous advisers who would encourage one to set 1, 2, 5, 10 year goals etc. I have a list of dreams, but I've never written down what I'd like to accomplish in the next 5 years. I'm not sure if that is laziness or fear of adding pressure and a "get it done" kind of lifestyle. I kinda like meandering.


My friend Sara likes to tease me about "what's next?". We ran our first marathon together and since then she seems to think I've always got something up my sleeve! My last visit to Portland, we went on a long walk and I shared about wanting to buy an around-the-world ticket to travel the world, sell my car and live in NY city because I'm sick of gas prices and want to attempt to live independent of a vehicle (yes, these ideas come after my runs!;) ), move to Nashville, open a restaurant etc etc etc.! I'm worn out! Too many plans! So, it comes down to my goals in life. What are those 2, 5, 10 year goals? Here is one for you, the next 4 year goal is to go to the Olympics, 2012 in London England! I'm already so ecstatic and recruiting folks to come along. No, silly! I'm not competing. I've followed the trials in Eugene, track and field, and was in awe of those athletes. Just sit back and watch them move, the human body amazes me. And it seems so wierd, but something in me clicked as soon as I decided I wanted to go and watch. Something in me settled and decided it's time to buckle up and work hard, save money and make some great plans for attending. I can feel some of you chuckling at this random silliness, but honestly, I don't have a husband or a family or a career I'm passionate about which would lead me to staying put. And something this simple has clicked. Or maybe I just needed the next goal to look forward to. Something to achieve.


So, in the last post I said I was going to share something on the single life. I've been doing some market research :) and some reading and long time reflecting. Here is one simple blip from my experience. Timing is everything. As much as I'll admit hoping for a harp player (another story here), I've really been more concerned with myself and understanding what I have to offer, learning who I am and what I can give to others, before that is determined for me, before I accept what is culturally expected from my small town roots, to my church background, to my own desires and where they stem from. I know what my mom is thinking, "Steph, stop thinking about it" oh but that's not me. I'm an analyzer and you'll love me for every bit of it! I realize there is no end to learning about ourselves, but I'm absolutely grateful for the last few years of turmoil, growth, friendships, travel, moves across the country, foreign territory (physical, emotionl, relational, spiritual) etc.

Note to the reader:
These posts feel very random and wordy lately. I think I could gab at you and go on and on buzzing about and, well, I hope I'm just getting to the point too. Thankful for your kindness in my randomness.:)

Hello! (out of practice=randomness!)

Wow, too long since I've been on here. There have definitely been moments (especially on my commute) where I've wanted to write my thoughts down, but then I get home and distracted and it doesn't happen.

I don't have a lot to share on here, yet. I'm not really sure I have much to share at all, inspiration is running thin these days and I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe it's the lazy days of summer, maybe my crazy hours (though I'm enjoying the restaurant environment), maybe I'm around people all the time and find that I don't spend as much time internally carrying on a conversation! Just a different place these past few months.

I purposely came home without much of a plan. I had a plan, but I've got many of those. Depending on the day I may be headed back to Portland or jet-setting and on my way to Europe. AND I've heard plenty of reasons why both should be the right next adventure. My problem= making a decision!:) I'm realizing the great value of stopping and digging in to a place. I did some of that in FL, but think my roots didn't go too deep because I was so far from home. I used to think I needed to be out somewhere in the world serving God, maybe a third world or developing country, maybe some place on the other side of the states. I've known in my head and have come to understand, our serving the Lord does not depend on place but function. I hate the saying but it is so true, "Bloom where you are planted." It's so cliche, but fitting! I'm chasing that perfect place to plant, but it does not exist. It is merely heaven planted in my heart. It makes me look forward to what is ahead.

So, I had a mentor/pastor encourage me to continue to write and go back through some old journals. I'm planning on it, but I'm so scattered right now I'm not sure I'm ready. I'm living in two places (three the next few weeks) and moving about with my pillow and suitcase! Reminds me of Costa Rica...I recall the end of my time there and looking forward to not living out of my backpack. This has stirred that want in me to make some "big girl decisions" and find a place to unpack the boxes and items I've tucked away since January. It sounds so trite, but I'm really looking forward to unpacking my coffee mugs. I wonder if that is symbolic of sitting down, journaling, and thinking about things that stir. Hhhmmm, maybe there is a connection there.

That must be it for now! I leave for work at 4:23am tomorrow and it is off to bed for me. Thanks for following.

Soon to come-something about the single life!

Pondering...

to reflect or consider with thoroughness and care.

Today, I thought to myself, "this is a day for writing." I have the urge and typing that phrase creates in me a deep stirring and an exasperated throwing up of my hands. Buried are the words, thoughts...maybe an analogy will suffice for what I'm trying to describe! Or maybe just an explanation. I was in Portland last week for the funeral of a sweet, beautiful, young woman who I had the privilege of walking beside during her high school years. In the car driving to and from, I had plenty of time to ponder and talk with God and receive His love and adore Him in return. It's in those times and moments, when my "cup runneth over" in reflecting about life, that I have millions (ok, not millions, but lots) of crashing thoughts. Some day, I do hope I will develop my ability to retain and explore the depths of those thoughts...even to the point of leaving the filter at the door. So, today is a day for writing and the thoughts, they've buried themselves for another visit. I smile because I know they have not disappeared, they're simply chained to a place I am exploring. I desire diligence in my endeavor to free them.

Pondering...success.

Thankfully, the questions I mentioned a few posts prior have relented. I've made a decision to stop living under pressure. Pressure that stems from, ME! I realize we have the great ability to determine our lives lived out. Sure, there are external influences, but we also have choices and many of those are daily choices regarding perspective and attitude. I tend to live under an element of pressure and expectation of success. Only my standard for success was not a measurement I had any control over. No, that's not even it, not control, but definition. My definition of success (and purpose) was one I had adopted from multiple sources. None evil in their own right, but none the less negative to my sense of fulfilling a purpose with my life. So, in keeping step with a book I've recently been thumbing through, it's up to me to determine, through pondering and prayer, how each day is spent in reaching to fulfill a God-given right in life...the ability to spend it...and for a righteous cause...however that might look for MY life and only my life!

So, I'm redefining. Honestly, success (in my past definition) could have been one of two paths-wife, mother etc. or climbing the career ladder, both wonderful paths, but neither that I have chosen. Time may take me by the hand and lead down one or both of those paths, but up to this moment neither of those two have secured me on their trodden ways. So, I've explained this to myself in the words of defeat, missing success. The reality is, I've ultimately, sometimes consciously other times unconsciously, chosen differently. I do desire each of those paths, at different times, but in choosing differently I've come up short. (That's what I've told myself.)Please don't get me wrong, I write this with clarity and an acute awareness that I've been a little too hard on myself. If I asked you about my life, I have no doubt that you'd affirm success, but yours is not my definition. My own rattles around in my head. Surprisingly, I've not been experiencing feelings of defeat having come home. More and more it feels like I've left those old nagging, pestering feelings in my wake and I'm on new ground. That in itself, new ground, feels good...and right.

Success-my definition-roughly, it has everything to do with loving and searching out God and then allowing Him to touch lives through mine...whatever that looks like. And that is something I'm in a conversation with the Lord about.

Well, these thoughts feel rough, but I'd rather post and feel the freedom to do so than polish and expect perfection. Perfection is not a part of my definition of a life of purpose (success).

Time Alone

So, I ended up on the couch with my Bible this morning. We had family come to town and I didn't feel much like going to church. Not yet. Maybe a cushion for avoiding more questions. It has been an overwhelming week. Not good, not bad, not hard, not easy...I'm just sort of here and trying to get my feet set on all these moving objects. It's so hard to put words to these feelings. I'm at peace with all of this, I just have no clue what I'm staring at over the horizon. No, wrong choice of word! I have no clue what I'm staring at over the hedge. (I can't think about the horizon right now, just the hedge-that's far enough!:) ) It's not a fearful place to be, again, I have peace. I'm just so used to having a plan, it is pretty refreshing to sort of sit back and pray. I know I keep talking about "just praying," but it really does feel like I'm opening the door to allow God to work this out. Now, that's exciting...I've seen what He can create!

Anyway, about my morning and the title of this particular post, "Time Alone." Hhhmm maybe that's more than the title to this post...maybe that will be a description of my summer. Not necessarily being "alone," but relishing in the opportunity I have to "lighten my load" and instead of seeking answers, seeking God.

Ok, ok back to this morning...

Luke 6:46-48
"Why do you call me 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built."

... "dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock" It jumped out at me and made me stop and think. I need some of that...some digging, digging deeper. Some work, working out more of the particulars of my faith. Not beginning at the beginning again, but in the thick of it. Not being busy doing stuff for God and leaving Him on the side. Not calling myself a follower and then turning on the noise and tuning out the whispers that call me to a deeper connection. Not worrying about what occupation I'll throw myself into, but finding natural rhythms to walking with Christ. Not just blindly going through movements, becoming stale and losing the conversation that began in my youth and became stronger as I grew, but developing the language and context of that conversation. I'm praying that these desires would truly come from a place in my heart that is waiting to be explored.

And that takes me back to adventure...

Floating

They are there. I can sense them, lingering...almost taunting me, "Catch us if you can!"...Yes, the questions floating in my head. I'm not avoiding them, at least that's what I tell myself. No really, I am not. I'm completely comfortable with any crazy thoughts trying to find there way down into concrete words in the form of questions. Not sure if that really makes any sense!

How can I say...

I have so many questions floating around in my head. On most occasions, I've not given them an opportunity to become more than fleeting, half thoughts. Not because I don't think I can answer them. No, I have plenty of answers. I just don't think they need to be asked. It came to light on one particular stretch, driving in the desert of AZ or CA, Lindy at the wheel, Steph staring out the window waiting for the questions to jump on her back and start dragging her down, ready to muscle through and hold her chin up, keep it together, it all happens for a reason...and then another One stands in and the only thought that lingers are the words, "And I trust in You." No need to ask questions if you trust.

These words come at the end of a Psalm, as if they are an afterthought and a reminder. Not reminding God that the writer trusts in Him ---"Hey God, remember me? And don't forget I trust You!"---, but I really think for the writer himself to be reminded,---"Oh that's right, I do trust You."

I'm sitting in a place I would not have planned. I sense the good in this and the excitement of what truly trusting in a God whose words I often read can do. It feels horrible and delightful often at about the same time. I want to squeeze the life out of life and God wants to pour life into it. I feel like I already know the ending to the story...it's a beautiful ending! It's the chapters in the middle that I need to learn to allow Him to write. So what if for the rest of my life the only home I know is in familiar faces and never physical places. I'd be ecstatic at sharing the journey with a million people...then again, whom am I to write this story! I can help, but only by prayer!

Over the bayou and through the bugs...

Many hours in a car make man very weary! Today's city pick: New Orleans. A quick stop to drop in for coffee and beignets in the French Quarter and we were off again. The traveling has been easy and we are in Austin TX tonight. Looking forward to a slow morning tomorrow to take in some of the city and then on the road again.

God loves the details!

Our blond moment for this trip...
Steph-"Georgia, why are we in Georgia? Did we miss something?"
Lindy-"Let me look at the map (laughing)!"
Steph-"Georgia on my mind! How did we miss I-10?"

Ok, just a few miles too far on I-75 due to two old friends so engrossed in conversation and catching up on the heart issues that we cruised on by!

I have had the most interesting week so far...random divine encounter in a coffee shop led to fueling the passion and direction of my heart, even if ever so slightly. Today, waiting at the airport for Lindy, I ran into an old Oregon State campus pastor who happens to live in Orlando and is also headed back to Portland! God loves the details! My heart swells with encouragement this week..."For I know the plans, I will determine your steps, I will never leave you, faith...sure of what is hoped for-certain of the unseen."

Laying my head for rest in Mobile Alabama.

I haven't posted in a while...I've missed sharing about life on here, but have been living in the silence between these posts. It, life, continues to be a ride. Eight days and I'll be setting the compass W-NW. Honestly, torn between two sides of the country...makes me want to take a plane south! Don't worry mom, as long as gas doesn't hit $4 before next week, I'll be with Lindy when she returns. I'm headed back to Oregon for the summer, a lay over as I pray about future stuff. I'm really good at planning and then asking God to work things out...am trying this time to pray, and only pray, without adding parameters to any kind of plan. Many are the plans of my heart...so many that each week it seems to change.

Been busy, busy enjoying people. I flew to Kansas a week ago, with Greg and Mary Kay, to visit the recently relocated Erin and Steve. It was a much needed, wonderful time! The whole weekend felt like one big, warm hug. We were fortunate enough to spend some time out in the country, some old friends of Greg and Mary Kay, and I can't explain how wonderful it felt to sit in front of a fire and sip on coffee all morning long! I should have melted, but I couldn't peel myself away from the cozy fire. Kansas/Kansas City...not what I thought, really a great place to experience.

This past Sunday, I convinced the two gals I mentor to accompany me on an adventure. Since moving to Florida, I realized this is the only state you can capture both the sunrise and sunset over the ocean/sea (let me know if you know otherwise) and I wanted to see it all in the same day. We grabbed Dunkin' Donuts early and made it to Cocoa Beach with time to spare. It was a beautiful sunrise.

The sunset, after a longer drive to Clearwater, was a little less to scream about. A few minutes before sunset, a wave of fog came over the whole beach. It was eerie and felt like a whiteout. Still, we laughed and enjoyed ourselves! Yes, below was our sunset.

I'm thankful these girls were troopers, Meghan and MacKenzie. It would have been a dull day if I'd been on my own!

1.1.08.RESOLUTE.enjoy life!

Ups and downs and all arounds, it's the journey that I'm learning to embrace. You have heard it said, "enjoy the journey, not the destination"...I'm really trying to live that rather than let it resound in the grey matter in which my center for decision making and living resides. (Well the grey matter AND my heart/soul!)

I would like safety and security, yes long for that, but also realize that doesn't come with the stock market and our impending recession, with any kind of job title or position... a gentle whisper in the wind, "I knew you first" reminds me of my Creator and His all-sufficient love and provision as an act of His love. Something in me clings to that, my faith clings to that and my grey matter can attest to that.

May life be kind and gracious rather than safe and secure!

A quote I've recently read and reread and pondered and settled on-
"Man's freedom is never in being saved troubles, but it is the freedom to take trouble for his own good, to make the trouble an element in his joy..." -Rabindranath Tagore

GA and SC

Yep, Savannah and Hitlon Head, checked those out now check them off the list. Not that I want to live my life from a list, but yes, check 'em off! Jennifer and I headed out a few days after the new year and spent an extremely cold 2 days in Savannah. It was 18 degrees and my lips felt like they were going to freeze every time I took a sip of my hot coffee. We decided to cross the bridge into South Carolina to "touch down" and then figured, "We've come this far, let's go to Hilton Head and see what that's all about." Still COLD! :)

We really are freezing in this picture!


At Lulu's for some hot fondue to warm up the frozen fingers! The streets of Savannah were bare affording us excellent service in the little dessert house.

Outside The Six Pence Pub, backdrop for a scene from "Something to Talk About" with Julia Roberts. No doubt, the closest I will come to ever being in a movie with Ms. Roberts!

We had a great time despite the frost bite and it being a short trip. We'd both talked about a Savannah tour and it seemed it needed to happen sooner than later as I start making plans to head west.

Happy New Year!

Here's to another year filled with experience, celebrating relationships -new and old, and the process of becoming all that we were created to be! My love, my love, my love!

Slipping away

My thoughts are slipping away. Do you ever have those moments when you think to yourself, "I need to write that down..." and you don't and then the thought is gone. This often happens to me when I'm slipping into sleep. My mind, as it continually rolls words and thoughts round and round, will bring me some really great ideas about the time I'm no longer interested in turning the light back on and finding a pen! It happended again last night and I told myself I'd remember today, but have not until now and even though I remember having the thought, I can't piece back together the parts to make a whole! Hhmm.

The last few days, some friends have been telling me I look tired! It's one of those moments when the inside has literally forced its way to the surface and it is spread all over my face. "I'm not tired per se, but just worn out," has been my response. It's been a busy year (FL to OR to FL to Puerto Rico to OR to FL to OR to Canada to FL to TX to FL to Argentina to Paraguay to FL to OR to FL and I think that's it!) and a crazy season the past month. So yes, I am a little worn out, but really it's been a ride!!!!!!!

I was looking over some notes last night. I carry a little notebook in my purse and write down notes of encouragement that others have shared or quotes that reach into my soul and strike a nerve and then reflect on them whenever I happen to open up the little book. I was reminded last night, life is about experiences, not finding and fulfilling a plan. The path or plan arises as we experience life. And today at church Ken reminded us that our destiny is lived out day to day, not pre-planned for we do not know the mind of God or how He might bring about life in our lives.

"Being alive is not the same as actually living." ----Are you alive or really living?

So, a few things in life are changing, but I'm not sharing the details because the plan keeps morphing! Bottom line, a few months here a few months there and in the fall I am hopeful to be in Seattle studying. In the meantime, I'm having a great time with friends in Orlando before another move. Christmas brought many opportunities of spending time with friends.

Liz, Janann, Shelly and I...some of the gals I meet with at Starbucks every Tuesday night!

We went to Disney for the day and then watched TinkerBell fly from the castle!;)

Erin, Shelly and I out on the town!

Sushi in Celebration with Melissa and Jennifer!


My Thursday morning ladies enjoying Christmas at EPCOT!
(MacKenzie, Meghan, and Brayshawna)

My house decorated for Christmas...or maybe that's Cinderella's castle!

Taste-testing Coca-Cola from around the world with MacKenzie and Meghan!

Yahoo! News Story - Comics and Editorial Cartoons: Close to Home on Yahoo! News

(stephanderson12@hotmail.com) has sent you a news article.
(Email address has not been verified.)
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Personal message:

Anyone back in the NW want a baby alligator for the kids for Christmas?!?!?

Thanks cousin Sharon for finding this! A good laugh

Comics and Editorial Cartoons: Close to Home on Yahoo! News

http://news.yahoo.com/comics/uclickcomics/20071211/cx_cl_uc/cl20071211

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Yahoo! News

http://news.yahoo.com/

So much to say...

First, I hope this link works. I've seen a few of these passed around. This features Steph and some Orlando girlfriends, Melissa and Jennifer. Jen decided it would be funny to set our feet to dancing.
http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1183468998

After you've enjoyed the link, there is really no easy way to share the whole story that leads me to the next statement...I'm driving home and moving my stuff with me. A turn of many circumstances and my own continued search for purpose and enjoyment for what seems to be living and moving about the country has brought me/is taking me back to OR. Again, I really don't know where to start and really don't know that all the details are even necessary. Suffice to say, I am well. Nothing negative here, unfortunate circumstance, but nothing God had not prepared my heart for. Funny how that works. I literally wrote some very significant things in my journal the morning of the day things here changed. If I start going into details, this blog will be 3 pages long, no I take that back, it would be a book. I've laughed about that with a friend here...she thinks I should be writing a book. The "happenings" have affected a few of us, but we are all fine. Thanks God. You'll get the story when we sit for a visit!

I am looking forward to this as I'm making plans to go back to school. The thought has crossed my mind a few times over the past year or two as I've transitioned places and jobs, but I could never decided on what to go back and study.

As much as I'm looking forward to the possibilities in the future, I'm again sad at leaving. Such is the case when moving and was the case moving here. My friend Alisa, college and long time pal, said to me last night..."None of us on this end are complaining!" Those words make a friend feel loved. Even so, I leave new friends here who I have experienced this chapter with. Just today at church one of them pulled me aside. He said, "Experiecne builds on experience. Go back knowing God is doing great things and with encouragement." I am, encouraged! Surreal, but I love adventure and this is another. At some point in life, I do hope to settle down. Until that factor, whatever it may be, presents itself, my feet will continue to take me along.

So, I didn't know if I'd ever get to drive across the country again, but here goes! I loved it last time and said I'd do it again...guess I get the opportunity.

Iguacu Falls

What do you know, the video feature works! I hope you enjoy this...it is so unfortunate that a camera is simply incapable of capturing the full magnitude, in this case, of the falls. It was powerful to stand on the edge here and look down, the power of the water moving down causing a mist and force of air upward that felt like a cool morning breeze! Just imagine the sound!

A string of events...until YOU find the meaning.

Life is spinning! Not really out of control, just non-stop movement since August 15th, when I headed out to Oregon. And now, I'm off to Argentina and Paraguay for 12 days. It seems as though, instantly, my year and maybe even the last two, have been so full of travel. I must admit I desired this and hoped for it...and well here it is. I'm enjoying it for all that it is and finding meaning and purpose in each trip.

Life is a string of events...that isn't necessarily a negative message IF you find meaning and purpose it those string of events. The events of life in Orlando are running together and I'm holding on for the ride.

Have I told you I changed jobs a few weeks ago?! Whew! Add to the spinning, but it is good, very good!

I will do my best to post while I am in South America!
Love, love, love

Before and After Me

"I remember having a warm, settled feeling as I sat on the porch and listened to the older folks remembering the shared stories of their lives. My sense of security grew from an awareness that all this had been going on before me, that though I was a part of it, I wasn't responsible for it." -J. Eldredge

From a book written by an author I've come to know over the last few years. I read this tonight and it resounded deep. I am reminded that all of this was happening before me and will go on after me. I am just a part of a larger plot. Always makes my mind reel though, with wonder, confusion, amazement.

Just a thought late tonight...

Sh;aring; all of life; with you!

Um, yes, you notice the semi-colon in; the title; and you will notice it throughout...it; seems m;y computer ;;has; some sort of bug; or; sticky key or something. And ;since I love to share life, all of life; and daily life with you, you are ;now privileged; to experience the annoying semi-colon. It ;makes for writing emails a bit; of a problem!

Started; the ;new job today; and am looking; forward to learning and growing in this new position. I am ;still headed to Paraguay; and Argentina (with; the ;previous job-it all seems to overlap!); later; this month,; the; 27th; through the 9th so be checking on here during that; time; as; I will post if access is available; and definitely after the; trip.

I; still have some Malibu stories ;to share, but am still working on them. Soon...;)

I'm Back!

Not sure that the exclamation point on the end of the heading is an ecstatic, "I'm back in Orlando!" or more so an "I'm back on here." I returned tonight and have been traveling the last 36 hours from north of Vancouver B.C. ...each second so worth the tiresome journey! From foot to boat to car to ferry to plane...I'm been on the move! Malibu was nothing less than wonderful. A get away with distinguished meaning. The drain on life is what tends to wear on the spiritual life, emotional, physical, etc and I am always so thankful for those times away that are refreshing. To see life outside of the normal daily demands.

Last week I got a taste of my dream job...barista! I spent time in the coffee shop at camp (Hamilton's) making drinks and had a blast. Getting to talk with people, learn and share stories, it was so much fun! I met some new, wonderful people who made the week a delight. I'll share more as the week goes by and I have some more time.

Until then, to all of you reading that I had the opportunity to visit...I love you and miss you, you bless me whenever I see you! And to new friends, I'm glad to have shared the week at Malibu with you!

Brad, Paula and I waiting for the "snow."

It "snowed" during one of the family game times!

Inspiration Point-A 6AM hike, or more like mountain climb, up up up to get a good look at camp.

Going Back

There are some places I'd often like to return, but much of the time make excuses, "oh, no I shouldn't, I don't have time" or just don't think outside of a narrowly regimented schedule. I am understanding that things are often more available to me than I usually expect. For example...returning to Malibu, the 'bu, the Rock, Young Life's Malibu Club. Last week, I was on the phone with the folks I worked with in Portland. These are the folks I met at Malibu, in Canada, back in 2000. "You have to come to Malibu the last week of August!" Oh, how I wanted to so badly, but didn't know how to make it work within my regimented thinking. So I started thinking about life outside of the planned calendar of events. I decided it was going to happen and started taking the necessary steps. The photos following show where I will be spending the last week of August serving at the camp during a week long "Military Camp." What?? Yes, the camp will be hosting military families, many if not most, whose fathers are over serving in Iraq.

This place is a place of personal retreat for me, so remote and removed. I spent one summer and part of another here and have some great memories. One of the pictures from the slide show at Gramp's service was taken on the "inner dock." Dad, Gramp, and another buddy were on a fishing trip a few inlets over. We tried to plan a trip for them to hire a water taxi and come over (the only way into camp is by boat or seaplane), but the trip through the inlets was too long for the timing and so I didn't expect to see them. Little did I know the connections they had. I woke up to a phone call on my day off somewhere between 9 and 10 in the morning. Remember, this was my day off (normal days had me up and running at 5am before camp came to life) so I was hoping to sleep in late especially after a night of "silent hockey." My boss called from one of the few phones in camp, "Stephanie, I need you to come down to the office as soon as you can." Yikes! Ok what's going on? I threw on my shorts and pulled my hair back as I descended the rock down to the boardwalk where the office sat. As soon as I got there, a couple of my co-workers started acting funny trying to distract me from the main street boardwalk. Finally, they let me out of the office door and there stood Dad and Gramp about 15 yards down the walk. I was so surprised and still rubbing sleep out of my eyes, but ecstatic to see them and have them on the property. I had 45 minutes to show them all of camp and then they were off again in the seaplane. It was a VERY special time for me...Malibu!

Shuttle Shuttle Shuttle!

Here they are! Some more pics, only I'm realizing as I pull them up to post that they may not be as exciting as expected! I don't know if I explained in the previous post, we couldn't actually see the shuttle until about 10 seconds after it launched. We were at a restaurant deck miles away, not at the actual NASA site. Anyway, 10 seconds into it you could see the shuttle and then the rumble started, kind of like thunder, as the massive shuttle lifts off. It really was exciting and basically unbelievable when you really think about it. I have since rented Apollo 13 and watched all the "extras" on the DVD as I continue my own space education!

Another launch is scheduled for August 7th. One of the mission specialist, Barbara Morgan, was the "back up" teacher for the '86 Challenger launch.
http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/shuttle/shuttlemissions/sts118/index.html

More Pics, say Pretty Please! :)

NTT I'm rolling on the floor here you have such a good memory and are adamant that I get those pictures up here!!! I'm going to have to stage another shuttle launch for you just to get some darn pictures! LOL Ok, I will try again. I didn't have my camera and one of the guys there said he'd email me pics and hasn't, so I'll try again! :) Love you!

Through the ways of my world

A new quote to ponder...

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."
-Henry David Thoreau

If I might have the platform here to introduce you to a book I've been mulling over. As I've stated previously, Florida has been a gift of understanding more about how I'm wired, why I value certain things, how I respond in different situations, and where I am most productive and personally fulfilled, why I always feel somewhat discontented. Did you know that stirring inside is actually part of my wiring. That it is my personality to always feel somewhat discontented, but with a high level of commitment and responsibility. As for the responsibility piece, I could live without that. :) I could go on and on forever about this stuff, but really just intended to share with you a part from the book, PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME II, by David Keirsey.

"If you do not want what I want, Please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.
Or if my beliefs are different from yours, at least pause before you set out ot correct them.
Or if my emotion seems less or more intense than yours, given the circumstances, try not to ask me to feel other than I do.
Or if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, please let me be.
I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up trying to change me into a copy of you.
If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself to the possibility that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear as right-for me. To put up with me is the first step to understanding me.
Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And one day, perhaps, in trying to understand me, you might come to prize my differences, and , far from seeking to change me, might preserve and even cherish those differences.
I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, your colleague. But, whatever our relation, this I know: You and I are fundamentally different and both of us have to march to our own drummer. "

Process and Analysis

Running out of steam this week. I've read way too many books in the last 7 days, not all of them from cover to cover, but my brain has been inundated and I'm on information overload! I knocked on my neighbor's door last night at 9:30 PM, "Can I borrow a movie?" I just needed to be able to check out with some very brainless activity minus tv commercials. Problem being, I continued to analyze, not myself, but the movie! That's what happens when you watch it alone, you have the permission to rewind and catch that phrase-word that you missed. So, I had the sub-titles on and was not about to miss anything. Deep sigh of relief...loosening the grip...relax...finding myself in another place...Costa Rica? Oh no, Florida! Ahh, but this too is good. The warm evenings are so nice!

Now that I've led you on one of my random rabbit trails! You are welcome, by the way. I know how much you love to follow the brain currents as the nuerons synapse from one to another! Wow, I'll stop!

Some food for thought...been busy making adjustments in life. You know, the story of the boat and the rudder. The captain is always making slight adjustments, nothing huge, just ever so slightly because if not, he will end up in a place he did not intend. He continually checks his position and makes the necessary changes. As with life, I am continuing to check my position and make the ever so slight adjustments. They are not significant for today or this week or even this month, but if I leave it for a few years I will find myself in a place I did not intend. So, the continually process... Process, analysis, RELAX, repeat. (The relax piece is new! At least in as much as learning to not only physically relax, but mentally taking a break too!)

Your Starbucks Cup Quote of the Day

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things

you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the

bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in

your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

-Mark Twain

No, I didn't see this on a Starbucks cup, but it should be! Came across it in a book I've been buried in the last few days.

Liftoff! More pics to come...

Atlantis

Do you remember Christa McAuliffe? I don't remember what grade I was in...second, third... the teachers at our little elementary school gathered all of us into the library to watch the Challenger launch. I remember sitting with Becky Peterson, an older and much smarter student, and as the shuttle split into pieces I sat there baffled. The teachers kind of scrambled and I remember looking at Becky and asking, "Was that supposed to happen?" Her quiet response without taking her eyes off of the tv, "I...don't...know." I cried later when I found out what had happened. As soon as it came out, I bought a book about all of the astronauts on the Challenger. I remember feeling such grief for their families, their children...empathy runs deep.

Do you remember President Reagan's speech?

And I want to say something to the school children of America who were watching the live coverage of the shuttle's takeoff. I know it is hard to understand, but sometimes painful things like this happen. It's all part of the process of exploration and discovery. It's all part of taking a chance and expanding man's horizons. The future doesn't belong to the fainthearted; it belongs to the brave. The Challenger crew was pulling us into the future, and we'll continue to follow them. ...

The crew of the space shuttle Challenger honored us by the manner in which they lived their lives. We will never forget them, nor the last time we saw them, this morning, as they prepared for their journey and waved good-bye and "slipped the surly bonds of earth" to "touch the face of God."

Well, tonight is another launch. Atlantis. I'm headed to Cocoa with some friends to watch the launch and will be back with whatever pictures I am able to capture on my beat-up, well traveled little camera! Oh yes, there have been many launches since the Challenger and other tragedies, but making plans to watch this tonight, live, has launched me back a few years.

4 hours, 39 minutes, 30 seconds and counting. Makes my heart beat faster curiously wondering what they must be thinking as they step into those big orange space suits. What an experience! Looking back on earth... wow.................... ...........................speechless!

Ok, enough rambling for today!