Sunday, April 06, 2008

Time Alone

So, I ended up on the couch with my Bible this morning. We had family come to town and I didn't feel much like going to church. Not yet. Maybe a cushion for avoiding more questions. It has been an overwhelming week. Not good, not bad, not hard, not easy...I'm just sort of here and trying to get my feet set on all these moving objects. It's so hard to put words to these feelings. I'm at peace with all of this, I just have no clue what I'm staring at over the horizon. No, wrong choice of word! I have no clue what I'm staring at over the hedge. (I can't think about the horizon right now, just the hedge-that's far enough!:) ) It's not a fearful place to be, again, I have peace. I'm just so used to having a plan, it is pretty refreshing to sort of sit back and pray. I know I keep talking about "just praying," but it really does feel like I'm opening the door to allow God to work this out. Now, that's exciting...I've seen what He can create!

Anyway, about my morning and the title of this particular post, "Time Alone." Hhhmm maybe that's more than the title to this post...maybe that will be a description of my summer. Not necessarily being "alone," but relishing in the opportunity I have to "lighten my load" and instead of seeking answers, seeking God.

Ok, ok back to this morning...

Luke 6:46-48
"Why do you call me 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built."

... "dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock" It jumped out at me and made me stop and think. I need some of that...some digging, digging deeper. Some work, working out more of the particulars of my faith. Not beginning at the beginning again, but in the thick of it. Not being busy doing stuff for God and leaving Him on the side. Not calling myself a follower and then turning on the noise and tuning out the whispers that call me to a deeper connection. Not worrying about what occupation I'll throw myself into, but finding natural rhythms to walking with Christ. Not just blindly going through movements, becoming stale and losing the conversation that began in my youth and became stronger as I grew, but developing the language and context of that conversation. I'm praying that these desires would truly come from a place in my heart that is waiting to be explored.

And that takes me back to adventure...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Be kind to yourself during this transition. Maybe put "everything down" & go for a good run & cry! You are in "God's Country"...what a perfect peaceful place to open the doors & windows! I love you & think of you often & pray for direction for you. I can't wait to see you...XOXO, NTT

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one out here that needs to "hear" from you... :-) Love you...I know you are knee deep in transistion & thoughts...I'll be patient! Hope you'r B-day was a special day for you! XOXO, NTT