Wednesday, January 13, 2010

there's just not enough of it...i'm not referring to love here

One of my biggest frustrations is time. Yes, I frequently waste it on unimportant things and often I'm frustrated at the trap of time, being stuck in a classroom, in a car, at work...all the while my head is spinning with a to do list. (Can you tell I just got out of sitting in my car for 4.5 hours?) Very much worth the time to drive to Powers for some family time, but as I left I felt I hadn't had enought time there. Another day, maybe 2, would have been fantastic. I was able to see everyone (mostly and at least briefly), but when I think of going home, I also dream about sitting in the downstairs room, surrounded by mounted animal heads (aka dad's trophies), reading for half the day followed by opportunity to sit with my thoughts and write a few things down. I really can't complain, I'm being quite selfish, I know I have so much time in my life that many others don't. It just feels so fragmented and that is so unfulfilling. So, as I drove the the road-12 miles into my drive back to Portland-I realized my need/desire for more time to "just be" will ONLY be satisfied by Eternity. "Well, Lord, for all the books that pile up and don't get finished because I have other priorities, maybe I could just speak to the authors some day." I think I remember having that thought. Anyway, just gets to me all to often. In many Latin American countries they say "manana" (translation-tomorrow). We will take care of it tomorrow, no problem, no worries, pura vida, manana. I need more of that in my life!

Saturday, January 09, 2010


I set some new goals for this year...some of them are still being worked out, some of them are set. It's good to have something to focus on and move intentionally toward. However, I find that if I do not look over these goals frequently, they mean nothing to helping me on my way! My employer in Florida, who I learned so much from just watching, was accountable to a board of individuals who reviewed his work quarterly. It seems like such a tedious way to live, especially for a big dreamer like me who thinks running off to another country sounds like a good idea 3/4 of the time, but I've found even that is possible to put in place as a goal! Learning Spanish continues to be on my agenda and as I move in the vein of becoming a nurse, this seems even more essential and useful. I'm praying for opportunities.

It's also a goal of mine to be on here once a week this year. I used to love getting on here to spill my thoughts and was always encouraged by the support I received in sharing some of what I thought were my inner stirrings. I feel it's a good habit to let others into my process, especially my family who it seems I often lack the right way to say just what I want to say.

I'm thankful for last year, so many things. Last night on my run, I realized how blessed I am to be working where I am. I work at a breakfast-lunch place in PDX that has been around for 20 years and has a very SOLID base of regulars. God provided much in this job and I love the physical work on my feet moving around all day. It's very tiring and people can drive me crazy hollering their orders at me while I make pear mimosas (especially on holidays), but I am oh so thankful to have work. And I'm thankful for God's faithfulness to continue to reveal the path before me, piece by piece. Applications are being sent this month for nursing school and I'm hopeful/prayerful about the possibilities. OHSU is top on the list!

Moving forward in 2010...