Monday, March 30, 2009

away today...

Away today on a personal retreat. Looking back thru old journals,
sitting here at Skamania lodge with a fire and a view of the Columbia
yet my soul is a bit disturbed from these old writings..."Dream of all
Dreams" WOW!!! Not what I dream about these days. Why have I spent so
much time in angst over what God was up to in my life. I get the
feeling I missed out on some living, but then am reminded of the
process of the journey. That immaturity, ridiculous prayers and
dreams, stages, chapters, and growth are just a part of life and
living. I think it's safe to say, I truly feel alive and in my own
skin thanks to escaping my 20's!!! And partly thanks to those old
journals that (though painful to reread) allowed me to empty myself
onto a page. I will look back at these years and feel some of the
same, some pain from prayers seemingly unattended to by the hand of my
Father, yet with swells of hope for the life He IS giving.

I'm sitting with 1 question today and have not been able to wrangle
the many thoughts into a simple answer. The question, "What RIDICULOUS
prayer are you praying in this season?". It's not that I am unaware of
my wants desires needs etc, but how do you answer that...what is so
ridiculous that the only way to explain it is "but God." And how can I
simplify it into 1 ridiculous prayer when truthfully there are
potentially many. But God, so capable "and the reality is nothing is
too difficult for God." So, pray away I will, all my ridiculous
prayers, and be happy to live in to life as I wish I might have in
those old journals.

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Blog #2 for Today (INSPIRATION SWELLS)

Pardon my disheveled thoughts...running causes my mind to jump to and fro...

Just finished 8 miles, best training run yet. Of course, how could it not be running along the Coquille river, alone with my thoughts and iPod. The weather parted for me as I headed out. It's been wet and chilly, I just ran in the sun and mild temperatures. :) Walked out the door with iPod in hand. Usually plug in U2 or some tempo, upbeat music to keep me moving, but today I needed something different, something more. I needed a good run. Scrolled through to a mix Annie made me entitled "Because He Love You." Prayed, "Lord I need to be inspired today. Inspire me through this run." OK!
Some lyrics I just must share from this run-----

"I didn't promise you skies painted blue, or all colored flowers all your days through. I didn't promise you sun with no rain, joys without sorrow, peace without pain. All that I promise is strength for this day, rest for my worker, light on your way. I'll give you truth when you need it, My help from above. Undying friendship, My unfailing love."

Please have a'll hit you at the core.

Oh! The whole cd is full of lyrics stirring my soul that I actually forgot I was running. That happens every so often, when my feet and breathing are in sync and I am allowed too get lost in thought and prayer. Thanks God, for a lovely run and some inspiration.

One last thought to share from my run. I'm captured by pictures that bring about the idea of faith, you can see part of the path before you, but the rest is left to trusting in what you can't see. You've see a couple of these before, but a new one from today too!

Cocoa Beach Board Walk

Above: cable for zip line through canopies in Costa Rica. The bar is where my left hand held tight over the canyon below! Could not see where the end was...

Powers, the road running along the Coquille River.

A few steps beyond my own...

I know I've mentioned previously how great it has been to be back in Portland and reconnecting with people face to face, a gift and a treasure. Sometimes it feels like no time has passed in my quick stint apart from this city though it becomes obvious when I ponder life then and now. Obvious in how I live, living more fully and less stressed about what I need to do, where I need to be, who I need to be, how I need to live...everyday is filled with something unusually wonderful and that seems just a simple matter of perspective.

Last week I dropped in to see Rena and we spent an entire afternoon visiting, about life, present-past-future. I always leave our visits feeling secure in where I am and what God is doing around me. There is something settling about just being with certain people who have walked a few steps beyond my own. Whenever we connect, she always reminds me she has been praying for me and wondering what's been going on in my life! Rich counsel hovers our conversation without even formally making an entrance into the room. We drift in and out discussing life, God, people in our lives, travel... it is always a gift!

Monday, March 16, 2009


Spring, lovely Spring! The flowers are popping out, it's 7:22 and still light out, the sun (was, will be again soon) shining...signs of life are coming from multiple sources, it's always good for the soul when the winter breaks and newness comes through.

And spring cleaning!!! Actually, I don't think I have any spring cleaning to do because it tends to happen monthly in my world. I don't know why, but I love getting rid of stuff that I no longer have use for. I think it's the idea that someone else could probably get more use out of this _________ that's been sitting in the closet for the last year. Minimalism becomes me. In fact, I have a feeling (have recently owned the feeling) regarding a particular neurotic pressure...I feel pressure to read everything that comes in the mail...fliers, magazines (cover to cover), inserts...not necessarily ads, thankfully etc. And I've realized this stems from that innate psycholocial pressure to get rid of things. Read the magazine and put it away. Read the mail and put it in the recycling bin. I do not like things to pile up. Alas, I am quite unsuccessful in this and am learning to let it go! It's so insignificant in life! Yes, there are magazines on my table and bits of mail still to be read! I'd really rather be outside as life springs up than sitting in my place reading cover to cover!

P.S. It's a bad idea for you to send me a subscription to the Oregonian!:)

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The 'fish' that got away...

:) This post begins with a smile, I'm smiling at your comment, "UR," from the last post. :) Another smile! Well, I can't say there was one fish in particular that got away, but rather a few fish that have "bumped" the line. I think that's what dad calls it, when a fish swims past, but doesn't take the bait. Oh dear Uncle, you will most certainly know when one is on the line (Kind of like the time you had the sturgeon and he unexpectedly took y'all for a ride! Am I getting the story right?)

On another note, one thing I'm realizing in my return to the big city of PDX is the concept of "I know no strangers." Sure, there are strangers, but I either run into someone I know, am somehow connected to a new face through a mutual friend, or I just make new friends quickly. Let me see if I can explain....

The past few days, I have had a friend from the Bandon Dunes (one of the chefs I worked with) visiting and we ate our way through Portland. Last night, we headed out for a lovely evening at a local, small, wine bar just down the street from my place. It was dead all evening so the owner pulled up a chair and began to enlighten our present understanding of food and wine. Quite entertaining and informative. Fairly quickly, we had another person join the table, then another and another. All of the 'joiners' knew each other because they were all studying for their master's in wine...Sommeliers (pronounced so-mall-yay...basically). It really was facinating to hear the process and all the elements that go into producing wine. Well, we ended up spending the entire evening sitting there with strangers, talking as if we'd all known each other for years. I often wonder about situation like this and ask, "how did that happen," but more importantly am pleased that it does.