I'm here. Same blog, only updated!

I used to post on the ol' blog more regularly.  As it turns out, it's a great place to share thoughts, life happenings, inspirations, and to archive this trip from here to there.  I've been partially paralyzed with this little part of my life, posting blogs, after putting closure on the first blog (Journey Forth) and attempting to start fresh with a new one.  I could have just continued, but was in need of a change, perhaps some distance, as I began what felt and feels like a significant life shift, nursing school.

Still, it's me.  The same life.  Merely a continuation with innumerable threads closing the divide between old and new.  So, after attempts with a new blog, I've returned to the same one, simply giving it a new look.  It's nice to keep continuity.  I struggled after returning from Guatemala and jumping into school.  In short, it caused a "before and after" affect in my life.  Many daily activities and routines changed with a heart touched and a new nursing student schedule.  I functioned outwardly, but didn't know what to do with the "feelings."  I still don't.  Life feels a bit ragged at points.  I talk, but it feels lonely.  In those ways, it's still hard and I tend to turn inward thinking that will make this year, a life consumed with books and study, pass rapidly.  And that somehow emotions and other things will just fall away or into place.  So, school has come in good timing if I'm going to turn inward…STUDY!  The reality is, I don't want this year to pass quickly, I just don't want the pain associated with these changes.  And, I think, I feel like the more involved/consumed I am here, the more I forget about my Guatemala loves.  I don't want to forget.  Oh, I'm still functioning quite well and enjoying life.  But, I still think I'm ready to leave PDX after school.  We shall see.  I trust.

I've often wanted to share things on here (of course really more for myself as a place to speak and feel heard-even if no one is listening), but life has been occupied by both good things and stupid things.  The stupid being the mindless activities, the time-wasters that are still often necessary to give my head a study break.  One of those "time-wasters" is facebook.  It's used for both pleasure and school, but I have this recurring sense that it is on its way out of my life.  It's become very impersonal, a facade of relational connectedness, and well I'm looking for some better ways to spend my "time-waster" time.  Other things that fall into this category would be things that give me a quick release from studying drugs and pathophysiological processes, like "The Office" or getting on here to write and release the reverberating clanging that goes on between my ears.  I've heard of and had conversations with others who share the same thoughts about facebook.  Nevertheless, it is a tool for communication.  

So, what will become of this "face-lifted" Journey Forth?  We shall see.  I just know I miss having this outlet, it feels personal and I feel free to share here and not expect any response.  I'm back.  The blog appears a bit different and has a new tag line, "this long passing." Inspiration for this, this being "this long passing," came from the line of a song that impressed me.  Have a listen, "Jesus draw me ever nearer."  Inspiration also came from a question one of the nursing faculty posed last quarter during an optional lecture on self-care.  The question, "It's just one year, what does one year mean to you?"  Initially, I responded by jumping in deep and holding my breath.  I have since realized that I actually have to come up to breath during this 15 month program.  I'm finding small ways to do that, like taking a walk on a Saturday in October because the sun is out and will most likely be making fewer and fewer appearances.  I welcome the gray and the rain.  Seasons are good for me, each season bringing renewed perseverance and I need it!

Costa Rica, Sunrise, March 2006  

End note:  I transferred posts from the attempted new blog to this blog.  They are below.

Another end note:  This photo really has nothing to do with this particular post.  I shared it as part of a school assignment on hope (sharing true/false hope with our patients).  The sunrise does something in my heart I can't capture with words.  It's promising, and hope rises in that promise.  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him. -Romans 15:13a