Sunday, August 26, 2012

Status Post

I've learned to use the term "status-post" when giving report and or communicating information about the condition of my patients.  Here I am, communicating the condition of my self, status post 15 months of excruciating, mind-bending, steep-up-hill curve learning.  Survival, yes.  Surviving well, that's debatable. Outwardly, yes.  Inwardly, it has been a deep, heavy struggle for me.

Last Wednesday was my last clinical shift as a nursing student.  On Thursday, I felt a sense of joy that has not been present consistently for the last 15 months.  Friday, I received a phone call to interview on the unit I've been on this summer.  Saturday, I acutally played and forgot about the few things left to finish for my final grade.  And today, Sunday, I was nourished in a way I've missed over these many months.  I've been nourished by my church, prayed for and held tight by a dear sister as my sweet Lord gently ushered into clarity the rumblings that had been set aside these many months.  It's as if the veil of school being lifted is now allowing my being to remember the possibilities in the gift God has given me in nursing.  He has been sweet to be patient with me.  I am remembering who I was prior to school-the dreams and visions-living beyond the physical and into the mystical, remembering Jesus Christ and the joy of being united and in relationship with Him.  Hope for today, strength for tomorrow, purpose in this life.

Thank you, Father, for loving me patiently and tenderly while I was blind and numb.

Status Post-deeply grateful.

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